I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize