smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
