He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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