Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
