I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
