Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
