Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
