I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
