well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
