Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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