think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
