How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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