I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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