why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm drive I can fine osifer
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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