Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
