she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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