So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
