dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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