We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
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You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
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You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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