She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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