I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
