to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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