last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
