Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
