I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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