He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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