I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
