dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just invented taco cereal.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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