You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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