I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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