So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
