I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
