my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm both gender and math confused
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
