Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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