garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
