i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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