Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
