i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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