Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think people are normalizing furries
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
