i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
