dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
