Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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