I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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