how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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