I CAN MOONWALK!
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
