idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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