Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
