whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
