69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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