Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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