K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
