I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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