yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
