Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
