I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
