I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
