Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
