you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
