You work out of a Hotel?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
