I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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