we have officially lost it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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