My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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