Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
