I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize