I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
